Well, the Oscar Nominations are up, and the list has a few surprises in it. I’m going to do what everyone else is eventually going to do and declare who I think should win for a few of the categories.

Note: that’s should win, not will win.

Best Picture:

• In the Bedroom
  
• A Beautiful Mind
  
• The Lord of the Rings
  
• Gosford Park
  
• Moulin Rouge

It’s a crime against nature if Lord of the Rings doesn’t walk away with this. I know Beautiful Mind is great, I love Moulin Rouge, but there you have it. LotR is the Best Picture.

Best Actor:

• Russell Crowe (A Beautiful Mind)
  
• Sean Penn (I Am Sam)
  
• Will Smith (Ali)
  
• Denzel Washington (Training Day)
  
• Tom Wilkinson (In the Bedroom)

How did this happen? I haven’t seen any of these movies. Russel Crowe is still a Hollywood darling, even though he hates Hollywood, so there’s that to keep in mind. However, Ali is one of the great personalities of the 20th century, and his portrayal by Will Smith is dead-on — certainly fine acting. Smith’s the guy who I hope wins.

Best Actress:

• Halle Berry (Monster’s Ball)
  
• Judi Dench (Iris)
  
• Nicole Kidman (Moulin Rouge)
  
• Sissy Spacek (In the Bedroom)
  
• Renée Zellweger (Bridget Jones’s Diary)

There’s a bunch of categories that I’m going to snub Moulin Rouge for, so Kidman wins here. (In the real Oscars, this could be one of those “Kim Basinger for L.A. Confidential” moments where Halle Berry wins, just because people are so surprised that she managed to act.)

Best Supporting Actor:

• Jim Broadbent (Iris)
  
• Ethan Hawke (Training Day)
  
• Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast)
  
• Ian McKellen (The Lord of the Rings)
  
• Jon Voight (Ali)

I love Ian McKellen. I hope he gets it and I think he will. In the Oscars According to Doyce, however, it’s a surprise upset by Ben Kingsley for Sexy Beast. You must all go see this movie.

Best Supporting Actress:

• Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind)
  
• Helen Mirren (Gosford Park)
  
• Maggie Smith (Gosford Park)
  
• Marisa Tomei (In the Bedroom)
  
• Kate Winslet (Iris)

Jennifer Connelly wins, because these are my Oscars, dammit.

Best Director:

• Ron Howard (A Beautiful Mind)
  
• Ridley Scott (Black Hawk Down)
  
• Robert Altman (Gosford Park)
  
• Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Rings)
  
• David Lynch (Mulholland Drive)

I gotta give it to Peter Jackson, although Ron Howard is something of a sentimental favorite, because as long as he’s been doing this, he’s never gotten a nomination before, and Beautiful Mind is (apparently) a great movie.

Best Original Screenplay:

• Amélie
  
• Gosford Park
  
• Memento
  
• Monster’s Ball
  
• Royal Tenenbaums

Memento wins. Period. Don’t even fucking argue with me, man… I’ll cut you.

Best Adapted Screenplay:

• A Beautiful Mind
  
• Ghost World
  
• In the Bedroom
  
• The Lord of the Rings
  
• Shrek

How could this go to anything but Lord of the Rings, where there was so much material to adapt, and they did it so brilliantly?

Best Foreign-Language Film: No vote, because the Oscar Academy (me) sucks and hasn’t seen any of the nominees. Fucking philistine.

Best Animated Film:

• Shrek
  
• Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
  
• Monsters, Inc.

Monsters, Inc. — get that Shrek crap off the stage before I make sure he has a permanent accident. MI should win just for the work they did on the main guy’s hair, and forget about the fact that the story was better.