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Step 1: Start doing your taxes. In many cases, this will be the only step required for instantaneous, blinding pain. If Step 1 does not result in immediate pain, or if the pain is not sufficient to your individual tastes, proceed to Step 2.
Step 2: Sell a big chunk of stock in 2001.
Step 2a: Make sure that the shares you’re selling were bought in tiny tiny tiny tiny increments, spread out over a year and a half in regular bi-monthly intervals.
Step 2b: Each purchase should be less than 5% of the total amount of shares sold, and each purchase should be at a different price per share. Each one of these transactions will have to be recorded separately.
Note: Stop frequently (and drink heavily) if the pain caused by Step 2 becomes too great. Many households do not require Step 3 to induce sufficient pain.
Step 3: Lose the paperwork detailing the exact price per share for at least half of the relevant transactions.
Note: This is almost always sufficient pain for most households. If Step 3 does not result in searing pain that makes you cry like a tubby bitch while rocking yourself to sleep in a corner, curled around a bottle of Jack Daniels and sucking your thumb for comfort, proceed to Steps 4 through 56, “Recording the Buying and Selling of Houses”.
Kill me. Kill me now.
Falling Down
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10:48 PM, 04.08.02
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Comments
Yeah. This is making me really enthusiastic about doing my own taxes. Yeah, baby.
posted by *** Dave, April 9, 2002 07:19 AM
I'm glad that my only problem was figuring out how to allocate my income properly between my State of Income-Generation and my State of Laying-Horizontal.
That and having to pay for two copies of the State software.
posted by secret asIAN man, April 9, 2002 12:51 PM
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