German psychologists have determined through scientific study that paying too much attention to a spouse’s back pain can make it worse, while leaving the spouse alone can make it better.

“Brain activity increases when your spouse is in the room, sometimes by three times as much (though we think that’s mostly when the spouse in question is trying to think of new ways to call their mate a rat-bastard),” one scientist explained. “This increased brain activity can make a subject more aware of their back injury, actually intensifying the pain. Our suggestion is ignore your mate when they are in pain. In the long run, it’s better for them.”

Although the findings from the study seemed sound, one curious side effect was a dramatic increase in accidental deaths among the uninjured half of the study group, a phenomena scientists categorized as ‘unrelated’.

“Seriously, what’s the implication here? It’s just a coincidence. Why would there be any hint of foul play — our study proves that by ignoring their spouses pain, the healthy mate is helping them feel better. They should see that.”

The announcement was originally planned as part of a joint press conference with a study group from Great Britain that reportedly planned to announce the results of a study that suggested husbands should ‘just blame anything your wife says on PMS,’ but that portion of the conference was cancelled when the entire British study team spontaneously burst into flame.