At the annual meeting of psychology researchers in Boston three years ago, scientists reported on one of their recent studies: the pair had asked a professor to send weekly e-mail messages to students of who had done poorly (D’s or F’s) on their first exam. Each message included a review question and a suggestion that how well they did in the course was under their own control OR a “You’re too smart to get a D!” pep talk aimed at raising their Self Esteem.
Yeah.
Compared with the other e-mail recipients, the D and F students who got the self-esteem message performed notably worse on later tests.
Classic example of people getting the cart before the horse: self-esteem rises when you succeed — reversing the formula and expecting the same results is … well, sort of crazy.
Justin’s a great kid. Really. He’s kind and friendly and funny and generally not too much of a pain to know. :) On the other hand, let me mention that one rule in the house is that you never thank Justin for doing something for you until AFTER HE’S DONE IT.
I mean, if he’s already gotten the heartfelt thanks and praise, why actually do the work?
(You laugh only if you haven’t had to wait thirty minutes for a fork.)
False Attaboys
Ugh. It was a hard lesson to learn, but let me mention something else: telling your kid “Well, at least you tried,” does not. help. them. If you find yourself saying something that’s meant to to be encouraging — something that would sound ridiculous coming out of your boss’s mouth, stop. Chances are pretty good you’re not doing them any favors. I’ve never heard of anyone missing a deadline and having their boss tell them “Well, at least you tried.”
The report also mentions that people with a high self-esteem frequently think their relationships are doing great, or that they are comfortable and competent in social situations when objective analysis suggests… otherwise. I can think of a couple examples of this as well, and they certainly aren’t all kids. Food for thought.
(additional info on the subject via AP Wire (SHARON BEGLEY, The Wall Street Journal))
