Gay.”

It occured to me that I used some of my online acquaintances without permission a few days ago.

For complicated reasons I’m not going to go into (largely because I need to get to work), I needed to make a point with the Boy that required a visual aid. Specifically, it required a collection of pictures of people I know (at least in passing) that the Boy didn’t.

That means some of those people over on the Linkbar (Seki, TC, Bazima, Nancy (JillMatrix), Xkot) and a few others in my favorites.

The idea was to ask him to identify the gay people. Because I’ve decided he needs to understand that while I don’t have a problem using the word accurately, it pisses me off when it’s used in a negative way. It’s not negative. It’s not even different. It just is.

(Most of you understand, or know firsthand that it’s a thing with his age group, and always has been, to use a label you don’t understand on those you don’t like. Pick a label, any label.)

Anyway, so I borrowed your pictures for this project. I’m sorry for not asking first.

The boy studied the collection of pictures for awhile and said that none of them looked any different from anyone else. (Which was, of course, my point. I’m just glad he said it himself.)

In the spirit of Falling Down, I’ll admit I’m not perfect. I put labels on things — usually for humorous effect (because honestly, what Man possesses sets of dice in pastel colors?) — but I do it.

I shouldn’t. I do. He shouldn’t. He does. But we try. The way I figure it, the less we focus on differences and see similarities instead, the better off we are. Or something.

*sigh* I just want my kid to be better than I am.

Should that particular perjorative (or worse, along a simliar vein) still be in vogue when Katherine comes of an age to use it, she will learn exactly how angry her father can get.

I will probably not handle it as well as you did, dagnabbit.

I wasn't faced with it directly, you understand. It was something I knew was going on in theory, but not in practice. It lets you be calmer :)

That's a great way to teach him an important lesson. If my ugly mug was involved, that's something I can be proud of :)

As I have written in previous missives, it was in arguing with someone using "gay" as a derogative that I discovered my own orientation. Maybe that's a warning. [grinning]

So how did I do? If I didn't show up on Justin's radar, that just means he's like everyone else I know. Except my sister, but she doesn't count. She's my sister, man.

About the whole "gay" thing: I wonder if it in any way corresponds or will end up corresponding with the "N" word for black people. What do you tell gay people who say things like "That is so gay"?

It's an interesting phenomenon. I don't like the word gay myself; I'd rather say "mo". But that's just me.

Justin thought the bracelet you were displaying looked cool. That was about it.

What do I tell gay people who say "that is so gay"? Well, I guess they'd know -- far better than an 11 year old kid, at any rate, who's speaking entirely (or mostly) out of ignorance.

I don't particularly like the 'n' word, but if my brother in law calls someone a nigger than I tend to take the same route -- in a sense, it's his perogative (not that that's happened more than twice since I've known him, if that).

On the other hand, if it ever came up, I'd hope he avoid that phrase around the kids -- it's so easy to say "but Reggie says it, and he IS black".

People have a right to smoke, too: doesn't mean my kid should.

You did good man, and Justin will be better for it. Better yet, he might be able to teach some other kids at school a lesson or 2 about what is ok and what isn't, wouldn't that be something to be proud of.