A bird the size of a small airplane was recently spotted flying over southwest Alaska, puzzling scientists, the Anchorage Daily News reported this week.
“We’re puzzled,” the scientists in question might have reiterated. “There’s really nothing more we can add to this. We’d like to state for the record that we want to study this animal (assuming it really exists) and determine it’s origin and species and maybe say something about the wonders that nature provides, but we’re absolutely sure some kerosene-sipping trapper is going to blow off the back of this thing’s skull within the next week before we even get a chance, so really, what’s the point?”
The newspaper quoted residents from the villages of Togiak and Manokotak and several other even more far-fetched-sounding and improbable and stereotypically Alaskan place names as saying the creature “had a wingspan of 14 feet” — making it the size of a small airplane. Yes, we’re repeating the ‘size-of-a-plane’ analogy, but it’s really the only thing we’ve got at this point, so back off.
“At first I thought it was one of those old-time Otter planes,” the paper quoted Moses Coupchiak, 43, who conducted a phone interview with a local reporter before being mysteriously cut off.
The Daily News, the largest daily in Alaska with circulation numbering in the tens of fives, said scientists had no doubt that people in the region west of Dillingham had seen the winged creature, but they were skeptical about its reported size.
“We’ve tried to get verifiable reports from the local townspeople, but the whole place was completely empty when we got there,” one (puzzled) scientist stated. “I just don’t understand it; don’t these yokels want their fifteen minutes? I mean, it’s not like there’s anything else to do up here but talk to us; where would they have gone?”
Several chartered flights have been sent out in attempts to verify reports, but as yet none have returned.
“Again, we’re puzzled,” scientists stated while scratching their heads. “Not worried, but puzzled. Sure, it’s been three days and all the flights were little Piper Cubs with no extended fuel reserves — actually about the same wingspan as the bird everyone says they’ve seen, but hey, they’re probably all lying anyway. Seriously, a giant bird? That kind of stuff just doesn’t happen.”
Following the press conference, the scientists all decided to split up and wander into the wilderness alone to see what they could find out.
(via Seki)
