The Oscars were last night. I didn’t see them, or see any highlights (yet), but of course the results are posted, and I thought I’d compare them to my original picks:
Best Picture:
I said: It’s a crime against nature if Lord of the Rings doesn’t walk away with this.
They said: Go see Beautiful Mind, you chump. We gave LotR Cinematography, Make-up, Music Score, and Visual Effects, which is more than we wanted to for a fantasy, anyway.
Best Actor:
I said: Smith’s the guy who I hope wins.
They said: We voted for Smith… or Denzel… one of those black guys… did you SEE all the black people on the stage last night? We’re so avante garde.
Best Actress:
I said: This could be one of those “Kim Basinger for L.A. Confidential” moments where Halle Berry wins, just because people are so surprised that she managed to act.
They said: The replay of Berry winning will be the lead story on every morning news show in the country.
(BTW: I love that Denzel and Berry won. I do. I wish that, this many years after Poitier won, the color of the winner’s skin wasn’t STILL a story.)
Best Supporting Actress:
I said: Jennifer Connelly wins, because these are my Oscars, dammit.
They said: Yessir.
Best Director:
I said: Ron Howard is something of a sentimental favorite, because as long as he’s been doing this, he’s never gotten a nomination before, and Beautiful Mind is a great movie.
They said: That little Richie Cunningham… he’s just so cute.
Best Original Screenplay:
I said: Memento wins. Period.
They said: But… we didn’t understand it.
Best Adapted Screenplay:
I said: How could this go to anything but Lord of the Rings, where there was so much material to adapt, and they did it so brilliantly?
They Said: Easy: “The award for best adapted screenplay goes to ‘A Beautiful Mind.’”
I say: Bastards.
